Ode to a Movie Theatre

In a desperate attempt to make it look like I am updating with more frequency, I am going to post an Ode that I wrote at the request of a former co-worker and awesome dude (who subsequently became my prophet).

So, without further ado, I present to you…

Ode to a Movie Theatre

The Thunderous Edition

There is a thunderstorm coming up. It’s been about two years since I had a proper thunderstorm, but I’ve been watching the clouds settle over top of our house and listening to the thunder move closer and closer. Now the wind that precedes the rain has made way for the torrential downpour that precedes the real thunder and lightning show, and I’ve shut down the house – made it as silent as possible, and turned off all of the lights – and opened the back door so I can fully enjoy the experience.

Excellent. I have recorded some of it, which I may add later. Some bolt lightning, some chain lightning, the power went off twice, and some nice claps and rolls of thunder. Delicious!

But this wondrous, thunderous experience has put both me and my brother in mind of the dark, the dreary, the terrifying, the horrible. We began to brood on the most hideous examples of humanity. We began to talk of… the Twilight series. Oooh… a well timed thunderclap followed the typing of those words (I am not kidding, it really did).

The “Helping Hands” Edition

Okay, so this question wasn’t technically “submitted” according to the usual recognised processes, but I will use it here anyway because I think it bears merit in my present situation.

Dear Ally,

Why do people seem to think it appropriate to point and laugh, rather than help? I mean, where are the “Good Samaritans” I read about in the newspaper? Why is everyone such an asshole?

Susan, Edinburgh

* * *

Dear Susan,

Okay, I know that this question came up in a conversation, but shhhhhh, we won’t tell anyone that, will we?

Oh, wow. I started this post waaaaay back at the beginning of September, when I was still filled with hot rage at the cruelty of the masses. Unfortunately, I have spent the subsequent months in such a state of relaxation and bliss that I can hardly imagine channeling all of that blind hatred-for-every-living-creature again in order to compose an angry masterpiece for your general amusement.

Wait a minute… right. I’ve just been made aware that the last four months have been crap – truly “sucked the balls” as they (I) say, so I should be good. Where were we? Right, the assholery of jackasses:

An Ask Ally Appeal

I’d like to take a moment, if I may, to address a concern which seems to have plagued Ask Ally since its inception. You see, despite the fact that there now appears to be a goodly sized chunk of people, mostly my friends or casual acquaintances, who read Ask Ally (and who ask for more frequent updates), few if any of these people ever send in questions of their own to be answered.

Allow me to clarify something here. If you haven’t clicked on the ‘How it Works’ page which is listed to the right of your screen, please do so. Ask Ally runs off of real questions submitted by real people. I do not make up my own questions to answer (though I may have influenced some ideas by which a question has been submitted).

Anyway, the appeal part comes in here: please, please, PLEASE send in some questions. The e-mail address is questions.askally@gmail.com, or, if you wish, you can submit a question in a comment on any of the pages or posts on this blog, and I will consider that as a submittal.

The questions can be little ones – perfect for an Ask Ally quicky, which I write when I am busy – or really good ones, perfect for a full on Ask Ally response, which I write infrequently and too hastily. But please, do send them. I am running quite low and as my dissertation is due in at the end of August, I am thinking that there will be some more time for Ask Ally in the near future, which can only be realised if I have questions to answer.

However, having said all of this, there are some things to keep in mind.