askally

Archive for January, 2008|Monthly archive page

The “Cool-Tips are so ’99” Edition

In Advice, Fashion, People, Social Commentary on January 30, 2008 at 9:45 pm

Dearest Knitz (aka Ally),

I have an Ask Ally question for you: what are these mysterious “guidos” I’ve heard so little about, and what is it that seems to attract women to them so?

Your Nemesis,
Kibz

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Aha, my old arch nemesis…. How are you, arch nemesis? Besides evil incarnate!!

Well, aside from that tiny little wall of hatred which divides us, I see no real reason why I shouldn’t provide at least some sort of answer to your pathetic excuse for a question.

First off, I would like to establish the nature of the term ‘guido’ as I will discuss it. Given the context in which you have used the word, I assume you do not mean the ethnic slur referring generally to people of Italian heritage. Rather, I believe you mean those people whose personal style is often referred to by the term ‘guido’, which is based on the stereotypes associated with the aforementioned heritage.

It is important, during this Ask Ally, to remember that this term is still used as an ethnic slur, but that is not how I intend to consider it. Also please remember that the non-ethnic-type-slur which I will be focusing on is still based very much on stereotypes. And what is a stereotype, children? “A too-simple and therefore distorted image of a group”. Good boys and girls! Now we can continue. Read the rest of this entry »

A “Famously Tragic” Edition

In Advice, Life, People, Social Commentary on January 26, 2008 at 1:44 am

Mona, from Tuscon, writes:

Dear Ally,
Can you help me to explain something? Why why why would the universe take away, not only one teen heart throb, but two??? What cosmic force is causing the deaths of Brad Renfro and Heath Ledger? Who is next? Who is next???

Can you please answer these questions? It will give me the closure I need to continue in life.

Sincerely,
Mourning Mona

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My Dear Mona,

In the wake of the tragedies to which you refer, thousands of people are left hopelessly searching the clouds for an answer. And I don’t mean the friends and family, or close acquaintances, I mean thousands of complete and total strangers who clutch their glitter-glue signs, tear tracks staining their faces.
These people’s gutwrenching sadness stems not from sympathy with the previously mentioned friends or family but from the much more important connection that they have formed with the celebrity in question, based entirely on film characters and their own intensely invested daydreams.

It’s either that or that they’re just really upset that they’re going to be denied several hours of mind-numbing entertainment while they stuff their faces with Becel-slathered popcorn. Read the rest of this entry »

The “Happy Holidays? My Foot” Edition

In Advice, Relationships on January 7, 2008 at 6:14 am

Damn right I’m back! Should I be? No. Not at all, since I have at least nine other things I could – and really should be doing right now.

But I shall ignore everything else for a little while. Rejoice.

In a slightly delayed response, I will attend to Dan’s question. He writes,

Dear Ally,

Being a child of divorce I find the holidays to be a particularly stressful time. Rushing from one house to the other in an attempt to see both parental units; too many celebrations and never any time to put my feet up and relax.

My question is this: what is the best way to deal with the stress resulting from this broken home x-mas mambo whilst still seeing my whole family?

Shazam,
Dano the Mano from parts unknown

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My Dearest Mr. Themano,

I sympathize with your plight entirely. And even though it’s now a full week into the new year, I find that these things have a way of repeating themselves, and so I shall answer your question approximately two-or-three weeks after it would save you any heartache. Read the rest of this entry »