askally

Archive for May, 2009|Monthly archive page

The “Alphabet Soup” Edition

In Funny, Life, Social Commentary on May 2, 2009 at 12:54 am
Dear Ally,
If you could remove one letter from the alphabet which would it be and why? And how would that whole process work?
Thanks,
Joanna, Botswana
* * * * *
My Dearest Jo-jo-jo-jo-joanna,
Ohhh the alphabet. It has been my enemy for many a long year. And that’s saying something, because I don’t have many enemies. I am a very calm and logical person, not at all prone to fits of passion or irrational rage.
I don’t immensely dislike many people, just Stephen Harper, Gordon Brown, George Bush, Renee Zellweger, Brian (and Ben) Mulroney, Jamie Oliver, Bill Gates (and all of Microsoft), Kiera Knightley, Tom Cruise, nasty PDA couples who refuse to separate for three seconds on a narrow sidewalk forcing other people to walk into oncoming traffic to avoid them, those creepy eyebrow kids from the Cadbury’s commercial, my evil flatmate Cheryl, my evil flatmate Amanda, Grainne Watson, Jack Thompson, Peter MacKay, all of those muderous dictators, Jaques Derrida, Diana Vickers, Sarah Palin, the cast and crew of The Blair Witch 2, Miley Sirus, Hayden Christiansen, the hoardes of posh little brats that pour forth from the gate of George Heriot’s school…