Valentine’s Day Haiku (Because I love our love. It’s lovely)

In Funny, Life, People, Poetry, Relationships on February 10, 2011 at 4:20 am

I was tweeting these Valentine’s Day themed haiku that I came up with because I was thinking about how much I dislike Valentine’s Day and how much I like haiku and how much I was failing at getting any work done so I might as well marry the first two ideas in genius.

I don’t know about the genius, but I did successfully waste a half an hour. There will be more, I’ll add them as they come.


Oh! Tesco roses,

seduce me with wilted petals

and store brand cider.


Two months, now, of your

sloppy kisses – too much tongue!

But I won’t end it.


Your hand grips my hand –

sweaty palms. Sidewalk: the

dominion of our love.


Our love beams through time

and space; it burns. Like that time

you gave me the clap.


Your lips, begging for

my kiss; sweet, wet, tongues slick, lick.

Mononucleosis love.

(if you slur “mononucleosis” it’s almost four syllables…)


Bodies united in

motion-heat-friction; the start

of a nine month wait.


Your skin like ice, blue-

veined marble. In death, perfection.

Well worth the dig.

(Don’t get all squeamish; necrophiles need lovin’ too)


He’s sweet – perfect – with

bronze, toned abs. You don’t know him.

My boyfriend from camp.

(Loads of people had one. Apparently some people outside of Canada had a “boyfriend from Canada”, because Canadian men are the ideal?)


An embossed sparkly

pig sings “The Power of Love”.

This card speaks to me.


I raised the dead to

show you how much I love you.

Why are you running?


One love, one phone call,

just to say I committed

a felony for you.

*Note: I am aware of my syllabic inconsistencies. Considering the fact that the syllabic structure of haiku is some perverted, practically arbitrary English interpretation of Japanese haiku anyway, I don’t consider this the world’s greatest scandal.

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Amanda Leduc, Ally. Ally said: Moved #valentinesdayhaiku to the blog for now. Three new haiku added to the lot: […]

  2. Hahahaha!!! Ohhhhh Goddddd the clap one killed me! Haha I actually was expecting a nice one actually about love…and then I read it and was not expecting it…my roommate heard me laughing from his room lmao absolutely brilliant!!!

  3. Mono is a nasty disease since it can cause you to become bed ridden with high fevers and body aches.””.’.

    Many thanks

  4. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

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