Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

More Valentines Day Haiku: Because Love Don’t Cost a Thing

In Animals, Funny, Life, People, Poetry, Relationships on February 11, 2011 at 2:34 am

Requests were made for more haiku. Okay, a request was made. But since I had written about 600 words today, I felt that I was justified in indulging further procrastination. But I must warn you that for some reason I was obsessed with bestiality tonight. It wasn’t a conscious thing, but apparently it was lurking in the back of my mind for some unknown reason. A number of the haiku reflect that fact.

And so:


My tail for legs: I

moved worlds for you, but mermaid

sex is still bestial


Read the rest of this entry »


Valentine’s Day Haiku (Because I love our love. It’s lovely)

In Funny, Life, People, Poetry, Relationships on February 10, 2011 at 4:20 am

I was tweeting these Valentine’s Day themed haiku that I came up with because I was thinking about how much I dislike Valentine’s Day and how much I like haiku and how much I was failing at getting any work done so I might as well marry the first two ideas in genius.

I don’t know about the genius, but I did successfully waste a half an hour. There will be more, I’ll add them as they come.


Oh! Tesco roses,

seduce me with wilted petals

and store brand cider.


Two months, now, of your

sloppy kisses – too much tongue!

But I won’t end it.


Your hand grips my hand –

sweaty palms. Sidewalk: the

dominion of our love.


Our love beams through time

and space; it burns. Like that time

you gave me the clap.

#5 Read the rest of this entry »

The “Holy Matrimony” Edition

In Advice, Life, People, question, Relationships, Social Commentary on July 1, 2008 at 4:30 pm

One Mr Kiby Bibz, from Canadia, writes,

Dearest Just-Short-of-Omniscient Ally,

I have been questing for many a winter to find an answer to this most crucial of questions, with a full bucket of failure to show for it. I ask you, then, in my time of need to bring wisdom and insight, such as you are wont to do, and throw it unceremoniously at my question, resulting in the mysterious pink goo of answer stuff.

So, dear Ally, where does the future of relationships and unions lie?

Your number two fan (hilarious mental image),

*   *   *   *   *

My dearest Mr Bibz,

Please excuse me for a moment, won’t you? There is a tiny caterpillar on my windowsill that I must take care of. There – be free you little creepy-crawly, and get the hell out of my ivy plant.

Moving along, your question intrigues me greatly, mainly because of its somewhat visceral description of the question-answer process. However, it also drove me to ponder the nature of relationships at great length. Read the rest of this entry »