askally

Posts Tagged ‘sex’

C’est L’Amour…

In Funny, People, Relationships on February 14, 2009 at 12:16 am

An Open Letter (, or A Sexual Proposition):

*****

Dear Steven Seagal… Read the rest of this entry »

The “Optimus Prime” Edition

In Advice, Funny, Life, People, question on December 22, 2007 at 9:05 pm

Kirk, from Ottawa, writes:

I have a question for the great, ubiquitous Ally. Like all good things in life it is a 2 parter…
1) Where do babies come from?
2) Are new babies properly equipped to meet the needs of the modern urban crime environment?
3) Why don’t I understand the 2 part question?

*   *   *   *   *

Dear Kirk,

Ahh, you have some good age-old questions in there. And I am pleased by your use of a four syllable word in my honour: “ubiquitous.” I can think of no other word to describe me better. But moving along from your verbal aptitude…

Babies – always with the babies. I remember, when I was a small child, my mother told me all about it. She gave me some song and dance about how when a man and a woman are in love they give each other a special hug. Then the stork comes and things get all kinky and maybe there’s a little bit of Boyz II Men playing in the background. Then some things might go where they’re really not supposed to but as long as the man’s yoo-hoo-willy makes its way into the woman’s flibbertigibbet at some point or another, the stork will eventually emerge from the mummy’s tummy carrying a baby in a cloth sack and that’s where your baby brother came from. Read the rest of this entry »